Getting Help

I hid for a long time, avoiding triggers till I had no place to go and nothing much to do that didn't feel dangerous. I had no idea what was happening. It seems to be the way a lot of folk go. They hit a crisis point where it all gets too much, but they have no idea why or what or how, all they know is they're chewing their own foot off or not going outside. Hitting rock bottom was the worst, but it was also when everything changed for the better. That was when I got help. 

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      Makes a big difference just knowing what's happening. Seeing my psychologist (I'll choose my words carefully) helped me change my life in many ways. I can remember the shame of thinking there's something wrong, why can't I just do what other people do? Then there's the more surreal stuff like why is that door handle turning into a willy; why am I afraid of this spoon? 
      When I could say with pride, I'm having a flashback I don't have a penis obsession it was a weight off my shoulders. I found a kind of freedom, being able to say to family and friends I'm dealing with past trauma, I need to do things this way. Blimey, brings me to tears just thinking about it. Knowing what was happening gave me permission to be myself with all my weirdnesses and without shame.
       Because I understand my condition I can make good choices. I muddle through trying stuff; seeing if it works, changing em when I'm bored. And as I go I discover another thing I was doing and didn't realise. Then I find out what's happening and muddle through, all with a bit of help.